The Spiral Chart

How all Started

It started from one fundamental question Who am I? From a very early age, I have been curious about mysteries, magic, meaning healing I use to have a small yellow leather journal that I wrote my thoughts and dreams. The first story I wrote was of a desire to be a bird, to fly all over the world and heal people with a drop of magical water. I still can feel the excitement this dream evokes within me. The spirals I drew and traveled with took me on many journeys As I traced the spiral with my pen I imagined time traveling to far galaxies and unimaginable landscapes. They were 2 worlds I was living in at the same time. One was the visible tangible and the other was an invisible and mysterious inner world of my imagination. It was very vivid and real to me. I talk to “them” in whispering with closed eyes I knew them I did not see them but felt them strongly. In times of difficulties, I call them loud and ask them Why did you leave me here by myself?  They never answered me and this mysterious invisible world started to fade away and the visible becoming more dominant taking over the magic.

Forwarding my life to the difficult teens. Deep sadness and inadequacy emerged from within and my invisible world was again revealed, Asking the same question Who am I? Why did you leave me here in this strange place, where no one will get me, understand me to support me. My emotional body was scarring from events, situations, and I grew my inner longing to escape this visible world. Suicidal and confused about how it works I was not interested at the earthly affairs or mediocre encounters The Dance was my real escape I sneak out at night to go to the nightclub and dance till the morning My problems started